Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
