If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
