im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She bit a glass in half.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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