Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You did what with his pubic hair?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
