He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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