this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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