There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
