i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
