Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
