the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
