Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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