We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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