I cannot find my penis.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
