I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
