OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
