My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize
