I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
