Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
