Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
