like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
