Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
