If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
