i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
