im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
