Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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