You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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