Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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