youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
