MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
