My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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