That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
