When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
