i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
