Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
