i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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