If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
