Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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