my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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