I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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