I wish you could order shots online.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
