When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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