it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
