just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
