Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
