He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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