i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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