I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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