the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
