i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Boobs speak an international language.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
