you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
