Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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