oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
