I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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