u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize