So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
