so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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