let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
