I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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