you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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