you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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