where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
