the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
