Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
