It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Randomize
