I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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