Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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