i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize