I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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