Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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