I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
