be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
