u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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