Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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