It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
