i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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