Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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