In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
