I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
