K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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